textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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