We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
