Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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