Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
