i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
