Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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