I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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