Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize