Yo dont text me then not text me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
