it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
