Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
