Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
