Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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