plz talk dirty to me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
