I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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