All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
