My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
