how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
