Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sorry about my life...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
