I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
