I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
