Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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