i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
