Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
