i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
well you can't waste a boner
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
