Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
