Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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