What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
