I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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