is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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