Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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