a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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