Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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