You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
