there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
soo... how was my night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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