dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize