All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
