I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
