You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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