true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
