the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
