The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
