I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
