Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
