So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
