from now on my penis is your penis
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
