The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
