Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i've created a new STD.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
