just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
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the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
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I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.