yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize