I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.