You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.