At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.