A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
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How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.