It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches