so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
