I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
