I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
