i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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