with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize