Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
