I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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