Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
