The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So squirting runs in the family.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
