Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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