My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
