it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
