We won't sleep together?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
