I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
