Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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