His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
