He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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